Self Image

Self image is how we see ourselves; inside and out.  I have struggled to see myself as a beautiful person the past, oh geez, forever?  I don’t know if I have a new found respect for myself or if it’s the times that Danny has called me beautiful that has lately turned that around.  

Outer appearance is something that has been a personal demon for me since Jr. High.  Those are the years that girls start coming into their own and have a lot of things racing through their heads.  6^th grade I was the “Jesus Freak”, 7^th grade I dressed like a plain “freak” and 8^th grad, haha, Spice Girls all the way!  Going into High School I was just a plain mess.  I have very THICK hair and had no straighter at the time… almost enough said.  Once I hit my sophomore year I think was the turning point for trying to “fit in”.  All I could do was be myself.  I didn’t belong to any particular “click”… just trying to get by the rest of my HS career without getting beat up really.  I talked to just about everyone that I could and that didn’t judge me for whatever reason.  I kind of steered clear of those HS DB’s though… yeah you know the ones I’m talking about.  And that should go without saying that there were a few DB-ette’s as well.  You have a few everywhere… 

After being in college for about 3 semesters, I got pregnant with Kasen and ate like I was pregnant!  When he was born it took a while for my body to get back to somewhat normal again.  On a side note real quick, those of you that have a baby and look like nothing ever happened two days later, I want to kick you… in the nicest way possible.  Here we are 5 years later and I feel better than ever.  I may not be as healthy as I would like to be but I think all of that is about to change.  I have learned to appreciate myself for who I have become inside and out.  

I think that last weekend was a little bit of a test for me.  We went to swim at a friend’s pool in the apartment community he lives in and his place is crazy!  I mean, it looks like Spring Break there at the pool.  Kids were there, as was Kasen, and there were tons of people.  Just having a good time drinking a few beers and swimming.  Kasen had a blast.  Immediately I noticed that I would be the only one in a one piece… not only a one piece but a momma one piece!  At first I didn’t want to take off the cover up… that lasted until it got too hot to stand anymore, about 5 minutes later!  After a while I just got really comfortable… I noticed that nobody was staring (as I thought they would) at me or anything like that and just had a good ole time!  It was nice.  For about a year I became very aware of the weight gain that occurred and hated my arms.  As most girls do.  That is another thing that I am proud to say I am over more and more each day.  I may not be two piece material or anything like that but I have accepted my body as it is and would like to improve it.

I truly don’t think you will ever appreciate the change you make on the outside until a change has been made on the inside as well.  Love yourself for you first then work on the areas you would like to improve on your outer appearance.  I have been working on my inner self the last 4 years or so, hard, and now I think it is time to start working on the outer… for me as well as my family. 

That’s all I got on that. Love you for YOU!